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How to overcome fear of sex

If you are one of those people who get afraid and just can’t overcome fear of sex, then help is here for you now. Why not try my method of controlling and eradicating fear of intimacy, sex and intimate relationships?

Phobias are irrational terrors – extreme fear – of some object, creature, person, or situation. The fear is real. It may even fill you with extreme terror.

But remember the anxiety, the fear, the phobia, call it what you will, is not real but something that has somehow got into your head and should be eliminated.

The first step is to rationalize and analyze the fear. Can it do you any harm? Let us say that your phobia is sexual intercourse, which is common enough and often manifests as as dyspareunia.

Can sex hurt you in any way? I think you will find that the answer to all these questions is no.

Your fear of sex comes from traumatic events in the past which are long since over. And what about the idea that men are frightened of falling in love? Tosh! It's obvious men can fall in love as easily as women.

You have now rationalized the question and found that the object of your phobia can’t harm you.

Now try gradual desensitization. Don’t take on a whole army of lovers! Suppose your fear was of sexual intercourse. Start with a doodle of two lovers enjoying sex, drawn in color. Remind yourself it’s only a pleasurable human activity and quite normal. Move on to a cartoon of sex and then to a photograph. Look at books, pictures, even erotica, until you are comfortable with the image of lovemaking.

Take your time about it and gradually work your way up to confronting intimacy for real. You will gain confidence at each stage until finally all that remains is the slightest echo of fear - which you can choose to overcome!

This process of gradual desensitization is a classic way to overcome fear.

And it works particularly well with sexual problems such as premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation, and female anorgasmia, which are often causes by fear of intimacy or sexual intercourse.

Now print out a picture of two lovers. If you have any anger about what happened to you in the past to cause your fear, hang it on the wall and throw things at it. You can punch it or kick it, shout at it and scream at it.

Do anything that makes you feel better. This gets the phobia down to its proper size and lets you know that you’re bigger than it. Now you’re well on the way to overcoming fear!

Now you are ready to stop fear directly. Start with dating. Take it a step at a time. You might need somebody to support you - but going on a date is not making love, and exchanging phone numbers may not lead to sex!

You have to quell the desire to anticipate problems and simply do what you are capable of...  Let intimacy grow naturally. Become more comfortable with holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and so on.

Every time you think of making love, say to yourself. “It is only sex. This will be such a pleasure, and can’t do me any harm.” You are now learning how to prevent fear controlling your thoughts. You are moving the fear of sex from inside your head and turning the fear into history.

Now to overcome your fear directly. When you spend a night with your lover, start by sleeping together - nothing else. Make an agreement to simply hold each other so that you get used to familiar feeling of another human body near you.

And don't anticipate whether sex will be good or bad. Simple allow whatever needs to happen to happen. In my opinion, a lot of sexual dysfunctions are responsible for causing sexual problems.

Male orgasmic disorder, also known as delayed ejaculation, is caused by fear of intimacy or perhaps sometimes fear of pregnancy. And female anorgasmia can be caused by a freeze response to sexual intimacy. Discover more about these problems here. And find out about the causes of male problems in bed here. You can learn about female sexual dysfunction from this website.

So if these things happen to you, take things slowly. Gradual desensitization may completely cure your fear of sexual relations!

Video - the coital alignment technique - a gentle way to overcome fear of sex

Here I have just used sex as an example. You will find this method good for overcoming any kind of fear. Just remember that fear or phobias are just something that have got inside your thinking and so can also be removed from your mind by using the right techniques.

Eliminate fear from your life: fear is all that limits your health and wealth. Fear involves many symptoms – an anxious feeling, tension in your solar plexus, difficulty breathing, a racing heart and blood pounding in your ears, paralysis or a desire to run away, an inability to think clearly! No wonder that people want to know how to overcome fear!

The science of the mind and human behavior is complicated. But overcoming fear may not be as difficult as we’ve all been led to believe……for one thing, you always have a choice about how to deal with fear. You can go with it, struggle against it, or work around it.

Knowing that, think of F.E.A.R. as an acronym for False Expectations Appearing Real. FEAR takes your sense of impending doom, magnifies it, and presents the outcome as something terrifying. So how does that help you to overcome fear?

Try making a list of all of your fears, including every single one, no matter how small or irrational. If you then read them aloud, you can acknowledge them without giving in to them. It’s helpful to have a friend around, as a witness. (Be clear that you are not asking for help in overcoming them!)